We plan, we always plan, wanting it to happen the way we want, accomplished like we wish it to be, always perfect, as we plan. Sometimes we even do planning to make a planning in advance. Hoping to, aspiring to, desiring it, aiming it, expecting it, yes, expectations, and here planning if expectations fail, planning if that longing got fulfilled. And our expectations do turn us more anxious and sometimes make us believe as if we don’t deserve it at all or might give us so much confidence, that handling it makes us zombies.
Running a blind race, we are running in a crowd yet alone, it is never-ending, and quitting is never an option. We have plan B if plan A fails, and alphabets till Z but sometimes we all do wonder, what is after that Z, what if everything turns out to be not we want. But we plan again, yes, planning not to cry, planning how to react, planning how to act. Planning the escape.
And in the end, we do forget, everything is not in our hands, life always opens its cards, when the actual time came, till everything is concealed, even our planning which we do with eyes open and close, each moment, each second. The universe is already conspiring may be for us or against us, time will tell. Till then, do your planning and keep patience and hope.
At times, you get the glances of all the potential you have, but you are afraid to endorse it. You close your eyes or just overlook those moments, those pursuits. You doubt your intuition. You distrust your instincts. Disjudegemets or disagreements?
Somewhere deep down in your mind you know literally what you are worthy of, capable of but you are not ready to accept it. You can achieve it. You can get there but how? You set the boundaries, you decide your limitations, your threshold. This is it, just cross that line a little. Hindrances or setbacks? You are more than that.
Make a sacrifice, of everything, even of yourself, or your habits, dependence, whatever comes in the way of your success. Eliminate the situations, standing in your path. Obsession or insanity, you can say, but only you can do it, it is all your will, your will to move ahead, your will to make them insignificant. Are you willing to do?
Emerging courage, courage to accept the change. The appearance of a different perspective. Are you determine enough? A new vision? An insight into unsaid.
We all live in some kind of uncertainty. Sometimes how things unfold even you don’t realize. How to react, why, and what becomes uncertain itself. Life is indeed unpredictable but what to say on things which we somehow know deep down will happen one day but you never imagined your reaction, maybe that should be left for that moment but what to do with this anxiety. Is it that way or something else.
Permanent or temporary? But this uncertainty is probably momentarily till new one arises and you start overthinking again or not overthinking just anticipation. What about those eras of vacuum and void? You feel so empty that nothing matters, you stop questioning and leave it, accepting everything as it is, believing maybe it is best but you do feel something is left. Something is missing.
Losing, wanting, omitting, ignoring till? Falling or failing? Break out from the uncertainty or insecurities. Continuous, endless skepticism. The feeling as if you are moving forward but still standing at the same place not able to accept the change or that is actually not the change just ignorance. You are kinda misplaced perhaps.
Sometimes you just keep on dragging things, digging the grave, buried them so deep, making a mausoleum, but is it really so? No argues, no ego, no screams, no cries, no sobs, a silence of eternity till, till it starts killing you inside. Do you try to listen? The plants having those strong roots of pain with leaves of grief, growing on the tomb. It keeps on heaping, to erupt. It grows, till it makes cracks on that crypts, on the surface to come out.
You argue, with yourself, for yourself. You shout, you disguise, to protect yourself, from your temperaments. You keep on running, to find the place, desired one, secure one, will you ever be able to, with all your personalities, same person, different identities. Are you normal? Do you know even yourself? Whom are you really safeguarding?Yourself or your attitudes?
Ego, superego, id clashes, all the time. Are you aware enough? Conscious enough to distinguish? Do you hear the sounds of these conflicts? You know the way, still, you do not know. Accept or not, this is what it is and will always be. It is hidden yet so evident, not with these eyes, not with these senses you comprehend. Absorb the essence and engulf it, you know what it is?
Perhaps we all are living in the hex, some kind of magic or dream, Maybe we all are trapped in some bubble, Possibly there is actually no Time, Maybe someone is controlling us, maybe we all are in a simulation, one day that bubble will burst or we will wake up from that dream, facing the reality.
I want to but still don’t want to, maybe we love this trance, a spell of vicinities, perhaps this is best for us but maybe it is not, and what we don’t know certainly what we are not, entangled in the coop. Liberation from? or perhaps it is reality and we are just doing imagination.
Recovery under process, maybe lessons before facing the existing and breathing?